It’s not paranoia if they really are out to get you

Do you see him?

Yes, that one, there.

He’s trying to kill me.

I know he doesn’t look like a killer, this small old man with the missing teeth, battered helmet, and 2 chickens in a cage attached to his scooter…

but he is.

They all are.

The pretty young thing with the bright lipstick and short, short skirt, chatting away on her cell in a mix of Taiwanese and Chinese as she waits for the light to change?

She’s just lying in wait.

The middle-aged man with a daughter in front and a son behind, both dressed in their school uniforms, laughing as the wind streams past their ears?

Protective camouflage. He’s trying to kill me, too.

The businessman on the 250cc scooter, looking eminently more comfortable than I do on my mere 125cc?

Murder one.  No question.

The little old lady with the basket of vegetables? Serial killer.

The young guy on the shiny new motorcycle? Steer well clear of him…

He’s trying to kill me.

They all are.

Or maybe they’re not.

But, if I’m not going to die…that’s how I have to think about them.

Because that’s the secret to safe driving in Taipei, and, I think, probably the number-one rule of driving anywhere:

Everyone, and everything, is trying to kill you.

Don’t let them.

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7 Responses to “It’s not paranoia if they really are out to get you”

  1. Irene Says:

    O_o Wow… I’m afraid of driving now… Still planning on visiting you though! Just not complete sure when yet, but I’m gonna try for sometime next year…

  2. Patrick Cowsill Says:

    “Because that’s the secret to safe driving in Taipei, and, I think, probably the number-one rule of driving anywhere”

    There’s only one secret to safe driving here – don’t do it. Take the MRT.

  3. taiwanben Says:

    Yeah, Cowsill, but that’s no fun at all!

  4. Cousin again Says:

    And just how do this and the Jealousy posting relate?

    Hmm…

  5. Bijiaku Says:

    Oh crap, Ben’s on to me. Cover me guys.

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